Review: Conan the Accountant - Osteology

Artist: Conan the Accountant

Album: Osteology

Label: Self-released

Release date: October 2026

I know what you're thinking, so let me preface this review right away - no, this is not a gimmick project in any way, shape, or form. While we can speculate about the reasons - or the wisdom - behind naming a musical project in this manner, the fact remains that accountants may damn well be both Conans and musicians in their free time, and stating otherwise is pure bigotry that has no place in a genre as diverse and as detached from the mainstream as dark ambient. Now that I've cleared that up, let me tell you more about the merits of this album, which turned out to be one of the most pleasant surprises of the year, courtesy of NYC-based guitarist Ben Fitts, whose actual profession remains a mystery.

Osteology, as the name implies, is an album revolving around bones - human bones to be exact - so it comes as no surprise that each of the copious 21 tracks on the album is named after a particular one. (Whether the artist eventually intends to address the other 185 remains cause for speculation.) Now, I admit that the aesthetics proferred by the album cover and the tracklist are more reminiscent of early Carcass than a bona-fide dark ambient album. Well, more bona-fide than dark ambient, because this album integrates a fair bit of unorthodox, even irreverent influences that extend way beyond classic dark ambient, including post-rock and industrial, in the best experimental fashion of the genre's forefathers. Nevertheless, I haven't heard an album this varied and free-thinking in its approach since Ordeal's Ma|an, which was a good 25 years ago. Completely free of genre constraints, Conan the Accountant offers a surprisingly introspective journey on Osteology, examining the various facets and components of our being, akin to the bones we're all composed of, which may have inspired the album theme. Instrument-wise, there's plenty going on here, with heavily manipulated electric and acoustic guitars, theremin, rhythm machine, synths and God-knows-what-else thrown into the mix, making for a fascinating, varied, but ultimately surprisingly nostalgic and emotion-laden mix that few other artists in recent memory have managed to concoct. Indeed, Osteology is deeply human more than anything, with all the beauty, turmoil and sadness that entails. The sheer emotional range of this album is stunning and occasionally bewildering (just listen to the transition between Palatine and Trapezium for an example), but always engaging and thought-provoking, and the relatively short average track length does little to dampen the impression of a wide tapestry of experiences and emotions translated into sound. Indeed, if there's any criticism to direct to the album, it's its sheer heterogeneity, which testifies to the compositional range of the songwriter, but also puts a certain strain on the listener, perhaps amplified by the musical laziness we've all got accustomed to in the streaming era.

It's difficult to do justice to an album as out of the ordinary and as complex as Osteology in words, but maybe I don't need to. If the above has been enough to urge you to get out of your comfort zone long enough to listen to it and give it the attention it deserves, I will have done my job well. Trying any kind of objective comparison versus other releases would be a futile exercise, but that fact alone speaks enough to the album's merits in this day and age. All I know is that Osteology hit a soft spot I wasn't even aware of having, and therefore deserves my unbridled recommendation.

Rating: 9/10